I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
