Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
