I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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