i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Couch. On fire.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
