You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
