so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
