I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
