my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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