i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
