I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
