im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
