i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
