It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
