winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
