the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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