Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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