Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
