My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
