So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
