I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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