i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
