i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
