also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
