either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
