if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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