I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize