Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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