y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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