dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
