and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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