we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
