I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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