I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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