i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
