I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
