I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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