Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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