His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize