Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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