I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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