New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
