Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
