I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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