i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize