The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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