It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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