Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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