Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize