Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
