May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
