The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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