I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
