so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How does one acquire holy water?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
