that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
