remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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