Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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