Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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