But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
