dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
