Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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