Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize