my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
