Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
