Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
