great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
