I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize