i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
