I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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