I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
