I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
