saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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