So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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