there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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