I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize