this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
