You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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