So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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