Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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