Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
