I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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