when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
