I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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