i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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