Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
