First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
