It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
