his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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