Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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