:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
