I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
