The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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