I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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