I want to stick my p in your. b.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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