I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I deserve this hangover.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
