I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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