Me too!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
